Friday, 21 October 2016

midterm memoir

First of all.

If this is a test of life;

and you think this has anything about midterm; or memoir;


you are being judgmental;

you judge something by its title.

or should it be that way?

Or am I the one who is being judgmental?

because I judge you?

or is it you

for you have judged me

on the fact you can never prove

that I may have judged you?


My body has a very bad timing un-productivity. When I should be studying the most, that's when it does not function properly, the most. But on second thought... which sane person blame their bodies for not being able to work the way it should be? Exclude me from your answer.

Being in architecture school confuse me than any other thing I have accomplish or live in my entire life. Can I just leave life the way I wanted to leave architecture? But that means to die for. Will it be worth it? Is there anything left leaving, then? Confusing.

This is how my mind speak to me every single time for the past 5 semesters I have.

Who does not go crazy, being surrounded by such voice? Especially when it is my own.

Can I kill it?

But that means killing my self; or my own voice?

Will I be deaf then? for not hearing my own voice inside my head that does not exist but created by my mind.

But wasn't my mind busy reminding myself about how I have failed life by committing into this school?

How can I decide which one is true?

wasn't that my brain's job?


my brain.

her name is clearance.

at least that is how she is supposed to be.

if clearance is murdered

I will be sad


Will I be mute then?

I don't know, I can't say a thing.

Am I mute then?

This is crazy.

I can only see when my eyes are half open;

Is this partial obedience?

But this works the most;

I cannot focus with two eyes opened;

When people are asking for more than two.

My perception of time is slowing down.

This is scary.

Have you ever have your own rhythm?
When things are slow, very slow; and nothing seems to bother you.
All rhythm are acceptable; as long as it is under your control.
Is it about the rhythm or about the control is all about?

But it gradually disappear and I don't know why.

If I scream will it come back?

n o p e.

This is crazy.

No comments: